Seriously. You don't. Why am I copying it down, you may ask. To have a record of it that I can look back on and smile at. Or laugh. I mean, this is the first (and hopefully only time) I've ever done this. The one solace I have is that no one I know will ever read this. Or if they do, they won't know who actually wrote it. Hope not at least. Mom, go away.
Let's begin, Future Alonso, by going through our day. It's roughly nine am and we haven't been to sleep yet. Nothing out of the ordinary there. A shower sounded quite pleasant (and it was) and we noticed the beard was coming along nicely. (I'm wondering now if you continued to grow the beard, Future Alonso. How does it look? You'll have to show me a picture later.) Since this was our first time trying to keep a beard we purchased a new shaving kit. Remember the all black one? Turned the setting down to six and evened things out. Looking good. A little aftershave was applied to our hands and face and that was that. Then I thought... "I wonder how this thing would work "in other areas". It was time to trim things up, after all... Tim to drop trou!
Oh come on, we're grown ups here. Not you, Future Alonso.
So, using the trimmer again things were going along nicely. Bzz. Bzz. Bzzzzz. Not much detail really needed here. When that was done I thought "I do have that exact precision..." and switched out the tips. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. "Ow." Oh. Must have pinched something. Heh, that could have been way worse. I moved to another spot.
It got worse if you can't tell.
I continued on with the before trimming. Bzz, bzz, bzzzzing along. "Ow!" Another pinch? Why'd that on hurt more? Okay... That's enough for now. I starting brushing things off, removing the excess hair and... hey is that blood on my finger? "Oh... I... must have cut something... Huh." I grabbed a piece of toilet paper and applied it to the area. "Oh... That's more blood than I expected..." I may have started to panic a little.
Keeping pressure on the wound, I started wondering to myself, "Wait... I had two 'Ow's'..." I grabbed another piece of paper and applied it near the earlier spot. "Oh god that's a lot of blood D:" As I was trying to stop the bleeding I started to realize these weren't getting better... They weren't even hurting the same as before but... Why are they suddenly stinging? Ow... Ow... WHY IS IT BURNoh the aftershave. What used to be two mildly hurting cuts had now became THE FIRES OF HADES. Using water proved no relief, but instead bringing back that familiar pain when I applied pressure.
I just realized a couple of friends have been linked this blog many months ago... Guess we'll see if you still read this or not!
I'm not going to go into specifics on what was cut where, but you can probably guess what one area was. Long story short, I was locked away in the bathroom holding toilet paper to two areas in my crotch and wondering how long it'd be before someone got home. They always use the bathroom the second they get home. Thankfully I no one came home for many hours and these weren't bad enough to seek professional help. Occasionally I'd check the amount of blood and switch out the papers, knowing these weren't places for a Hello Kitty Band-Aid. When the amount was small as a pin head I decided to take another shower and rinse off any and all aftershave left down there, learning that soap and water hurts about half as much. Dried off, got dressed, cleaned up any remaining mess and thoroughly rinsed the razor's tips off in hot hot water.
After that the pain wasn't all that bad unless I moved the wrong way and rubbed the wrong thing... wrongly? I can see things being fully healed in two or three days. Hopefully.
Hey, I told you not to read this. Don't get all grumpy face with me.
Love, Alonso
No comments:
Post a Comment