You really don't want to read this.

Seriously. You don't. Why am I copying it down, you may ask. To have a record of it that I can look back on and smile at. Or laugh. I mean, this is the first (and hopefully only time) I've ever done this. The one solace I have is that no one I know will ever read this. Or if they do, they won't know who actually wrote it. Hope not at least. Mom, go away.

Let's begin, Future Alonso, by going through our day. It's roughly nine am and we haven't been to sleep yet. Nothing out of the ordinary there. A shower sounded quite pleasant (and it was) and we noticed the beard was coming along nicely. (I'm wondering now if you continued to grow the beard, Future Alonso. How does it look? You'll have to show me a picture later.) Since this was our first time trying to keep a beard we purchased a new shaving kit. Remember the all black one? Turned the setting down to six and evened things out. Looking good. A little aftershave was applied to our hands and face and that was that. Then I thought... "I wonder how this thing would work "in other areas". It was time to trim things up, after all... Tim to drop trou!

Oh come on, we're grown ups here. Not you, Future Alonso.

So, using the trimmer again things were going along nicely. Bzz. Bzz. Bzzzzz. Not much detail really needed here. When that was done I thought "I do have that exact precision..." and switched out the tips. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. "Ow." Oh. Must have pinched something. Heh, that could have been way worse. I moved to another spot.

It got worse if you can't tell.

I continued on with the before trimming. Bzz, bzz, bzzzzing along. "Ow!" Another pinch? Why'd that on hurt more? Okay... That's enough for now. I starting brushing things off, removing the excess hair and... hey is that blood on my finger? "Oh... I... must have cut something... Huh." I grabbed a piece of toilet paper and applied it to the area. "Oh... That's more blood than I expected..." I may have started to panic a little.

Keeping pressure on the wound, I started wondering to myself, "Wait... I had two 'Ow's'..." I grabbed another piece of paper and applied it near the earlier spot. "Oh god that's a lot of blood D:" As I was trying to stop the bleeding I started to realize these weren't getting better... They weren't even hurting the same as before but... Why are they suddenly stinging? Ow... Ow... WHY IS IT BURNoh the aftershave. What used to be two mildly hurting cuts had now became THE FIRES OF HADES. Using water proved no relief, but instead bringing back that familiar pain when I applied pressure.

I just realized a couple of friends have been linked this blog many months ago... Guess we'll see if you still read this or not!

I'm not going to go into specifics on what was cut where, but you can probably guess what one area was. Long story short, I was locked away in the bathroom holding toilet paper to two areas in my crotch and wondering how long it'd be before someone got home. They always use the bathroom the second they get home. Thankfully I no one came home for many hours and these weren't bad enough to seek professional help. Occasionally I'd check the amount of blood and switch out the papers, knowing these weren't places for a Hello Kitty Band-Aid. When the amount was small as a pin head I decided to take another shower and rinse off any and all aftershave left down there, learning that soap and water hurts about half as much. Dried off, got dressed, cleaned up any remaining mess and thoroughly rinsed the razor's tips off in hot hot water.

 After that the pain wasn't all that bad unless I moved the wrong way and rubbed the wrong thing... wrongly? I can see things being fully healed in two or three days. Hopefully.

Hey, I told you not to read this. Don't get all grumpy face with me.

Love, Alonso

Ah. Ha. Ha... Oh boy. I'm an idiot.

I received something in the mail today and found after unpacking it the electronics were TERRIBLE. What should have been a bright light shining through was a very dim little blue glow. I was worried it was an issue with the electronics, but I didn't rule out the batteries. Even though this was brand new. In the packaging.

I got my pocket sized screwdriver and got to work undoing the screws, starting first with the battery compartment. Just my luck, the screw for the door was very cheap and started stripping instantly. I tried a few more sizes until I noticed my pocket knife worked at turning it slowly. Slowly is better than not at all, so I continued using it! Eventually I figured I'd take the whole thing apart anyway so I switched back into screwdriver mode and undid the screws on the casing. That didn't really accomplish anything so I went back to using the knife on that one screw.

Until I either lost my grip or slipped and caused the blade to fold back into the handle. This would be fine and dandy if it weren't for the fact that my thumb was between the two. My immediate thoughts? "Oh. Ow... Ow that hurts. Oh crap. CRAP. Ah!" then me rushing to the bathroom to press some toilet paper against it. My mother and sister were able to FINALLY track down some band-aids in the house and get me Neosporin'd up (That brought more sting than the actually cutting did). Apparently I'm EXTREMELY lucky it didn't cut any deeper otherwise I'd need stitches.

My mom would be the one sewing me up since I don't have insurance... Whoops!

Technology.... The Sequel

I feel bad that I haven't had more to post here. I started this blog to make a record of the moronic things I do but lately... I haven't done that much. HOWEVER! I do have a follow-up to the previous entry.


When we left off I learned that the months of having to strategically aiming my remote at my TV to adjust the volume/turn it off/etc were wasted because I hadn't been hitting the buttons hard/long enough. It made my lazy life that much easier.

SO! As of late I've noticed the low battery light coming on and kind of ignored it because the remote still worked. Why track down batteries for something that still works. Made sense in my head. Last night I finally said the hell with it and found some.

Here's what I now know... I've had this TV since November. Since then I've had to REALLY aim the remote to do anything including bouncing the signal off the ceiling so it hits the cable box. Apparently, the batteries in the remote were bad this whole time... When I put the new ones in I didn't have to aim anything... I could point it anywhere and the box would respond as well as the TV. Five months of adjusting to aiming my remote a certain way to do anything and all I needed was new batteries.

Makes you feel really smart, let me tell you.

So THAT'S how technology works...

I have a fairly new TV (purchased in late November) and I've had to adjust to how certain features work on it since my last TV was fairly old. All this time I thought the sensor was kind of limited since I would need to AIM MY REMOTE DIRECTLY AT IT in order for the TV to respond. Most of the time trying three or four times for it to work.

It's March now. Basically three months of full use.

Today I accidentally turned my TV on by rolling over on the remote while getting up. The remote wasn't anywhere near facing the TV... It turns out the sensor has an AMAZING range and I wasn't holding the buttons down long enough... Potentially hours wasted re-aiming the remote to do something since I wasn't holding the buttons down long enough.

This is my life.

Entry 3: Multitasking

Sometimes I'll cook breakfast for the family. I enjoy breakfast probably more than any other meal and I feel bad if I don't make enough to share. Today was one of those days when I was up early so I cooked exactly what my sister had wanted; corned beef hash, bacon, egg. Everything was going smoothly with the hash and egg in the skillet, the bacon in the microwave since I was feeling lazy today. I set the bacon in the fridge to help it get crispier (don't ask me how it works, I just know it does) and I figured while everything else was finishing up I'd run out and bring in the three pieces of clothes in the dryer. Upon returning to the stove I saw the egg was done so I got my trusty spatula, scooped up the egg and waked over to put it on the plate. The plate that I couldn't find. Meanwhile the egg was apparently stabbed by the spatula at some point so it's dripping yolk everywhere. Twenty seconds and a lot of mess later I realized I had moved the plate and all was right in my little world.

Except for the yolk I had to clean off the stove, floor, counter, sink, dish drainer, dishes.

Entry 2: I'm as jumpy as my cat

Thought it'd be fun to watch Frozen with my mom since we've been having a fun, but bad, ice/snow storm since the weekend. "Hey, we've got a lot of snow outside and are trapped in the same place! Let's watch a movie where people are trapped in snow!"

That alone would be a stupid thing since I had heard how stupid it was.


After it was over I thought I'd give the mailbox a look since I've been going through IHaven'tGottenAPackageInAWeekeitus and the roads are starting to get clear. While at the mailbox I took a step and heard a sound I can only describe as a growl. An animal growl.* I turned suddenly and looked around, not seeing anything around. I may or may not have uttered a, "huuuuuuuuh?" It may or may not have been in a worried tone. I scampered back into the house and realized the sound was a piece of ice sliding on our ice yard. Ice that had broken free from me stepping on the sheet around the box.


I scared myself from a sliding piece of ice caused by my walking.


* Note: Movie has one of the characters eaten by wolves.Spoilers.

Entry 1.5: Quick one.

As you may have noticed over there -> I have a couple of Google ads up. I don't expect to make any money from this whole thing, but it's handy to see how many times the ads are viewed.

Just now I was looking at the blog(s) and saw the ads weren't popping up. This boggled me. I checked my Adsense account, checked the HTML code for posting the ad. Everything seemed right.

Five minutes later I gave up and figured it was a glitch that would hopefully fix itself. That glitch turned out to be me forgetting to turn my ad-blocker off.

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